he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
