I cockslap morals
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
