"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
