Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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