Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
