I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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