the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
