I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
