Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
