If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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