I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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