I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
