i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
operation have a gay friend backfired
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
