Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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