I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
