You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
