the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he shaved USA in his pubs
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
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wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
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Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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