mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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