Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
