I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
