I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
