i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
