smell my finger.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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