I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
