so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
