I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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