He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Boobs speak an international language.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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