You just made me feel so damn special
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
