why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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