why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
