last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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