he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
