the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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