worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
