I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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