I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
