even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Randomize
