No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
