Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
