Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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