So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
A+ Viking dick
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
