bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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