I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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