I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
