I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
