She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
