The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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