If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
