just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she told me i tasted like america
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
