so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
