Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
