Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
