she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
