Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
