Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
