you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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