Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
