im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Go after that dick
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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