did you get engaged???
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
