i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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