So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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