Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize