I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Drunk is not a location!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
