Umm I'm too high to move.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
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This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
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And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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