My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i drank out of a bidet.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
