shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
