every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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