dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
