I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
