don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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