i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
A+ Viking dick
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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