I wish I could teleport
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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