miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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