in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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