If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
