Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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