Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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