Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
